How I Faked It ‘Til I Made It In New York City
HERE’S TO INDEPENDENT EXPLORATION (WITH A SMALL LUMP IN YOUR THROAT)
My parents lived in the city when 9/11 occurred back in 2001. Heavy start to the blog, I know, but that is why they anxiously waited for my text to let them know I landed in LaGuardia today. I’ve been to the city once before in order to go to the 9/11 museum with my family where a picture of my dad working triage is proudly displayed; however, this trip is different. I am no longer a 16-year-old who’s parents are cautiously walking on either side of her, I am a 21-year-old who’s visiting advertising agencies with a group of girls I have never really met.
Let it be the inherited fear of this city in particular or the fact that I’m generally not a big fan of cities as a whole, I am way out of my comfort zone here. I haven’t felt anxiety in awhile, which is major feat for me, but this trip has done me in. Something about having to navigate the airport, find the nearest ride-share location, make sure I don’t get kidnapped, check into the hotel, find the best (and most affordable) coffee shop to write this — and to do it all by myself. It’s also a freakin’ tundra up here, my fingers are still cold as I type this.
I have never had an issue with doing things by myself, probably an ode to my Type A eldest sister mindset. Today, however, I have had the want to crawl into a hole since I woke up at 4:49 this morning — one minute before my alarm.
As an anxious kid growing up, and I mean anxious, my mom has always taught me to embrace the uncomfortable. This is simply because everything made me uncomfortable. Whether it be having to re-tie my shoes when walking with a group or needing to ask the teacher where the bathroom was, my body and brain could not distinguish those tasks and getting chased after by a grizzly bear.
Thankfully, those days are behind me and I am a much more peaceful and carefree individual. However, this trip has definitely brought out a side of me that I have not seen in ages. A side that I didn’t quite know how to navigate as an adult woman.
It was around 5:30 this morning as I was meticulously putting on my mascara with a lump in my throat the size of a large house cat when I remembered my mom’s famous mindset: embrace the uncomfortable. This, mashed with my mantra of fake it ‘til you make it, is the reason why I tricked girls on the trip into thinking that I was a seasoned New Yorker.
I work well under pressure. This is why I was able to swiftly get off the plane, grab my bag (first one on the carousel), get into my previously scheduled (and overpriced) Uber, and check my luggage into the hotel. After this, I aimlessly walked around SoHo, took a few pictures of the buildings and snow, did all the classic tourist ooo’s and aaa’s, and plopped down in a coffee shop and put my headphones on. I ordered my classic white chocolate mocha, was given a regular mocha — didn’t care, and sat down to start writing this.
When it came to selecting music, I decided to tune into an old playlist of mine created during an especially anxious time of my life. This playlist is titled maybe life is beautiful after all, after a quote of mine that I wrote in my journal when I felt the first semblance of warm spring sun back in 2024. It had been a hard winter and everything felt so dark — which is not something that I usually felt. However, the orchestra pieces and peaceful movie scores have always been able to soothe me in times of need.
As I wrote, I remembered my want to go to a vintage photobooth around the corner at The Roxy. I get up, walk over there, and take some pictures in it all by my self.
As I leave, I head towards my hotel to meet up with the group. Once I met up with some of the girls, they immediately laugh and ask if I was on their flight — I was, I just was too nervous to say anything (who even am I? I could talk to a wall).
After we set the record straight, they then said dude we thought that you were a local or something by the way that you carried yourself in the airport and out in the city. This about brought me to tears and made me realize how in my head I was. As they described me as confident and strong, I felt anything but that. Isn’t it insane how your mind can alter reality?
Let this be your sign to do that thing that is scaring you, feel the uncomfortable, embrace it, and power through it. Do it all with a smile and some good lip gloss on while you’re at it too — I recommend what I just got at Sephora the other day.
Now don’t apply what I just said to do something dangerous or stupid, leave your ex alone and don’t get into a strangers car but please never let your mind hold you back on something that could end up being life-changing for you (fingers crossed).